While Obama's presidential win is widely regarded as a legendary coup for blacks and comic book nerds, it was only recently that his comic obsession gave way to watching animated pornography in the style of Japanese manga. After borrowing the seminal DVD Hentai from Chris Tucker, Obama checks the Chapter List in the case and fast-forwards to its
NanohaCutie Honey scene sixty-one percent through. Epic ensues, for once Obama reaches the fateful chapter he proclaims "Our time for change has come!" so loudly that he begins to resemble the nation's first black president and almost everyone in his neighborhood visits to watch as well. (Chris Tucker, curiously, does not join.) In comes Clara Peller, who shouts "Hey, where's the beef?" when she notices Honey's lack of features. Ludacris, famous for his modesty and restrained use of vulgarity, gives an equally modest comment about her bare breasts. Chad Warden, always crazy over the PS Triple and women, rubs his spiky hair all over Obama's TV screen as Honey's hair flows. Tucker is quickly spared from the resulting scratchy noise.
Honey's magic farting army of Kermits appears throughout the scene to do magic, fart, and act like an army of Kermits. After they have fully removed her clothes (with magic),
pioneering anime character Cutie Honeyunemployed stripper Saler Mune jumps in front of the camera and yells ear-splitting nonsense to avoid reliving bad memories. The scene itself is tame, but metaphorical: Honey kisses a magic ball and launches it away (while Joe Buck hangs a printed Google Images search result for "baseball" from a clear string in front of it and makes a self-deprecating play call), and a metallic arc and staff assemble around it. The Juggernaut (bitch) and Vince "THAT'S GOTTA HURT" McMahon celebrate, while that guy from Queer Eye falls over in shock at the staff's length. The ball starts talking: Michael BoltonThe Rock is understandably confused, but SAILORMOONRED quickly explains and The Rock asks no further.
Alex Jones becomes the ultimate foe in the story, when he sees Michael Jordan's sudden guest appearance as Cutie Honey's sidekick and Jordan assigns her a challenging basketball shot as she gains new epic clothes. Jones thinks Jordan was daring him and conspiring to sideline him with a sports-related injury, and refuses to attempt it. He tries to enter Honey's animated world by jumping into the television, but is repelled by her equally epic hair. After Buck makes a lame baseball score pun, he somehow makes it through and tries to grab Honey's staff, but is subdued and reduced to a glowing blue noise-blob by her and her Kermit army. Brian Williams looks on from his office at Mainstream Media—from which he rules Japan and designs hentai tie-in merchandise—and reveals his mysterious true form, Nicer-Haired Chad Warden. The cliffhanger compels anyone who is still reading this section to vote 5.
The site took roughly three days to create. Snapshots of the source video were taken with Media Player Classic with ffdshow; its sound was extracted with VLC media player. Images were edited with GIMP 2.6.6 and sound was mixed in Audacity 1.3.8. After submission, I decided to watch it to celebrate, and soon got my first bluescreen in over eight months; recovery was quick.
Two other features were planned: a small dialogue in which a character would say that Nanoha's a virgin and Cutie Honey would say her "Ah, but I did hit it" dub line from episode 2; and the text "(lol, owned)" shown as Honey's face hovers over Nanoha's naked body. Neither were or will be added.
- Frame numbers assume sync is used to view the site.
|Image||Frames||Creators, owners, and sources|
|Background||1–64||Bonus scene on Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha StrikerS Vol. 9 (Seven Arcs), via YouTube (where a download link is posted).|
|First black president||2–3||Bob McNeely, The White House. Via Wikipedia File:Bill Clinton.jpg.|
|Kermit||4 et al.||Via.|
|"Where's the beef?" lady||8||Joe Sedelmaier et al. for Wendy's. Via YouTube.|
|Ludacris||11||© Glenn Francis, www.PacificProDigital.com. Via Wikipedia File:Ludacris 2008.jpg.|
|CHAD DADDY||13–14, last||Via YouTube.|
|Yahoo!||17||Google, of course.|
||19–20||The greatest fictional work ever created by modern man, episode 3.|
|Baseball thumbnail||21–24||Google Images 'baseball' search, result 9.|
|The Juggernaut (bitch)||28–29||My Way Entertainment's "THE JUGGERNAUT BITCH!!". Via YouTube.|
|Stephanie||31–32||Via Blog That Mommy!.|
|Vince "THAT'S GOTTA HURT" McMahon||33||Via Top Socialite.|
|Carson Kressley||34||Phil Guest. Via Wikipedia File:CarsonKressley.jpg.|
|The Rock||37||Via milk was a bad choice....|
|SAILORMOONRED with Paul Bearer and Sailor Moon||38–40||PAUL BEARER ON THE SAILOR MOON SHOW on (surprise) YouTube.|
|Little Willy from Philly||44–46||Will Smith on Vibe.|
|Jordan, Mr. T, and Doug||47–54||Via.|
|Alex Jones||55 et al.||Via.|
|Joe Buck||58||Monowi. Wikipedia File:Joe Buck.jpg.|
|Brian Williams||Second-last||David Shankbone. Via Wikipedia File:Brian Williams Tribeca 2009.jpg.|
|Sound||During frames||Creators, owners, and sources|
|Nanoha's theme||1–64||See Images.|
|Obama||2–4||Iowa Caucus Victory Speech on YouTube.|
|"Like my hair?"||13 et al.||See Images.|
|"WHAT?"||4 et al.||See Images.|
|"Where's the beef?"||8–9||See Images.|
|Ludacris||11||Back For The First Time album by Ludacris on MySpace Music.|
||19–20||See Images (episode 4).|
|"Back, at the track ..."||21–24, 58||MLB.com (see link "1996 World Series Film", 41:00). Was surprisingly hard to find; I remembered very well watching it.|
|"You're fired."||32||Via YouTube.|
|"THAT'S GOTTA HURT"||33||WWF: Wrestlemania (SNES). Via YouTube.|
|"Ow-how!"||34||Narcis Prince. Again, YouTube.|
|"The f*ck does that mean?"||37||Office Space. Take a guess.|
|"In the name of the moon ..."||38–40||SAILOR SOLDIERS.|
|"She's a ..."||44–46||Via Wild Wild West Wavs at Bubby's Wav Archive.|
|"... nothing but net."||47–54||McDonald's. Via YouTube.|
|"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA"||55 et al.||Via.|
|440Hz sawtooth wave||Third-last||Made with Audacity.|
|Brian Williams||Second-last||NBC Nightly News. Via msnbc.com.|