Revision as of 20:43, April 11, 2006 by Boomaga
Most famous for those annoying "dramatic reading" YTMNDs, while his lesser-known works languish in obscurity.
Boomaga is a white guy. A guy who just HAPPENS to be white. One of those white men you've heard about. To be more precise, Boomaga is a "white boy". In France, where they have, like, a different word for EVERYthing, they would call him "le whiteboy." A straight middle-class healthy functional white man is not commonly known to be the victim of discrimination - except in the strictest, technical sense of the word, as he could be easily discriminated, if placed side-by-side, from a one-eyed paraplegic Tourettes-suffering millionaire bon vivant nudist of Arab descent. Boomaga says he can't complain about being white. A white boy can walk into a place of business, for example, a bank, and make transactions with a minimum of hassle and suspicion (though long haired freaky people still need not apply). Further, as an articulate, decidedly un-funky glasses-wearing white boy, he can talk shop about things like 70's prog rock, or MMORPGs, and no one bats an eyelid. Membership has its privileges. (Of course, disadvantages are: natural dancing rhythm, penis size, and compulsive stealing of other peoples' music.) Boomaga is not rich - he carries student loan debt and owns very few assets. Nor is he strikingly handsome. Also, he is moody, forgetful, a procrastinator, and a slob. And a snorer and a smoker, an atheist, and no good at sports except swimming, and things like batting cages, darts, pool, air hockey. He's done a lot of psychedelic drugs that have affected his thinking - though he no longer does drugs, he does spend too much money at bars staring sullenly into his beer - or drinking alone at home in front of the computer on a weekend night. Boomaga has a string of busted relationships with women, the last one ending well over two years ago, and has no dates since. He loves faggy hoity-toity things like classical music, gourmet cooking, foreign films, literature, trivia, and walking around believing he's so much goddamned smarter than everyone else. He has a long fuse, but if provoked he will fight you, then have sex with your sister, bringing her to orgasm again and again as noisily as possible, leaving huge wet spots on her parents' bedspread. Then he'll eat the last of the Corn Pops. Boomaga's prospects for the future are iffy, as he pursues a career in audio while being half-deaf in one ear. Little known fact: Boomaga was a founding member of Supertramp and co-author of the Gideon Bible. (boomaga.com TM is a wholly-owned subsidiary of ComHugeCo., S. A. Zaibatsu-kiretsu Corporate Industries Ltd., Inc. GmbH, part of the Rothschilds-Trilateral family of conspiracies.)